.. but I don't want to have one of those really lame cut my wrist songs that sounds like Barney if all the kids left the tree house. Did he live in a tree house? My mom hated Barney and never let me watch it, so forgive me if that's a completely wrong interpretation of wherever the heck he hung out with small children.
I think a lot about the friends that I had over college, and mostly the ones I lost touch with. Some of them we weren't that close to begin with, some of them I couldn't stand in the first place, but some of them I figured we'd stay friends until we had careers and families, but we'd still stay in touch with phone calls and Christmas cards, maybe an annual "let's get drunk and talk about old times" night. I think it's sad that people lie to your face just because you bump into them that they miss you and they want to hang out with you all the time, and they barely bother to look at a text message and you're eventually strictly commenting on each others' facebooks.
This isn't in reference to my friends that live out of state; obviously we're both guilty of not seeing each other in quite some time, and I apologize that money and school has gotten in the way of us catching up. I don't like to name names, (I did that when I was fifteen and my livejournal blew up with nasty comments haha oohhhh high school) but I get a little pang of sadness when I start to analyze whether I was really friends with someone in the first place, or if it was simply circumstantial. Am I better off without them? Are they better off without me? Do they want to call me and catch up as well but they figure it's probably been too long? Maybe something happened where we had a spat and they figure I hold grudges, when in reality I usually forget about something in five minutes and want to move on.
I know that growing up you lose some friends, but I don't like to let that go. I think it's stupid to lose touch, because if someone meant a lot to you at an important part of your life, you should keep in touch. You should try to see them once a year, and keep them in your prayers and good thoughts if they're just not living near you or they're in a different part of life than you are right now.
So if you're reading this and you think you're one of those friends, just know that I think about you, you, and you, even this friend from fifth grade that I could never find on facebook but we used to have sleepovers every single weekend and then her family ended up in assisted living they were so poor and I wonder if she's pregnant or she went to college because she was so fucking smart.
Wishing we could equally try to stay in touch,