Tuesday, November 30, 2010

a new beginning... for the millionth time

Life is full of beginnings.  You begin a baby.  You begin to speak.  You begin to go learn how to act, react, etc.  You begin school.  You begin to like the opposite sex (or the same, I don't judge).  You begin to learn how to get through middle school, but let's be honest, we all survived that by the skin of our teeth.  You begin to flirt, date, and discover your identity through friendships and relationships.  You begin to go on journeys of self-discovery... Ultimately, it ends in death (or I'd say heaven, but that's for another day).

A lot of things in our lives we begin more than once.  Friendships can end, start anew, or you meet new friends.  Jobs come and go, and we have to start over financially.  Relationships unfortunately end, hearts break, sometimes they heal but not always, and you give another piece of your heart to someone else.  The cycle of life can be oh so rough.

This blog is my way of starting something else new.  I've been studying abroad for two and a half months, I'm almost done with college, and I'm starting to outgrow my smashed together thoughts and vague explanations from my other blog.  I've ultimately decided that I don't really want to be vague anymore.  I probably won't blatantly post these to facebook a lot of the time, but if you stumble upon this from a link on my page, or you know about it through word of mouth, then you'll be able to read it.

My reasoning for more openness is the fact that I don't like censorship.  I hate when other people censor themselves, and I hate myself for doing the same.  We all do it to an extent, whether it be in a conversation or something we post in a vague update status so if the person we're upset with happens to read it they might know it's about them, but you could still deny it.  A lot of the time, if it's completely deserved, I don't really care about other people's feelings.  That's a terrible thing to say, but again this is my way of telling it like it is.
Not to say I'm excusing myself for being a bitch, but I'm admitting that I can be one.  I'm easily frustrated, I have anxiety, I smoke cigarettes, I say fuck a lot, but in the end I think underneath all the frustration we all want justification, to be understood, and to love and be loved.  When we're denied these essential things, it makes us lash out and act irrational... at least, I know I do.

And I'm going to try to post things more often.  I don't write in my prayer journal enough, but I noticed it de-stresses me, and so does blogging.  Most people that blog will say that it's a good release either to get something off your chest, be creative, or feel a sense of accomplishment in some way.  That's me.  All three.

So if you don't like the harsh words of a Boston girl, or you don't like Christians, or you don't like someone complaining about relationships or stupid things we all complain about, then don't bother reading.  I'm not apologizing for anything.

(and neither should any of us, really.  If you need to get something out, then do it.)