Sunday, January 30, 2011

is karma really a bitch?

I usually find blatant satisfaction in thinking that bad people, or people who do bad things or act a certain way, will eventually get theirs.  Some people get it quicker than others, some get it rather subtly (I hate how that looks when it's spelled correctly) and some will live a glorious long life and the clincher isn't until the very end.

Personally, I usually try to give karma a hand.  I have always felt that if someone is doing wrong, and there is a way to fix this problem instead of just dealing with something shitty, I'll go ahead and do that.  A loose hypothetical example would be that if I were working with someone who was abrasive, lazy, and was acting completely inappropriately for a work environment, I would make a formal complaint to a boss.  On a more truthful note, I have in the past gone to a department head when I thought my grade was given unfairly, etc.  Or even when I was a kid and my sister picked on me, I would go tell mom...

yeah yeah yeah, you could say it was tattle-tailing, but I usually say that I don't deal with crap and I like to defend myself.  I wish more people would take these attitudes towards life.  Unfortunately, we live in a society where a lot of the time there's the instigator, and putz that lets themselves get walked all over without doing anything about it.  They'll say, "no, I don't want to cause a problem" instead of rightly standing up for themselves.  I find this more frustrating than when I have to deal with an instigator myself!

My largest issue with myself has always been my temper.  I could say I try to control it, but it is a struggle.  I have noticed that when in a conversation with someone, if I'm getting annoyed or find a chance to criticize them, I don't jump to snapping as quickly as I used to.  Maybe my control in that area has in fact improved.  BUT today I found that there's an exception to my own self control when I'm already in a terrible mood and someone chooses to pick a fight with me. 

If I don't know someone, I am ten time more likely to be willing to fight with them.  This will happen with customer service, (rather typical among anyone actually) where they aren't giving me what I need and I'm rather rude.  It will also happen with men at bars that try to touch my ass and I reach out and slap them across the face.  I think when someone says something to set me off, if I don't know them or have no connection to them really at all, then I won't see the repercussions right away of completely letting a screw loose because a concern about a stranger's feelings doesn't always exist.

So am I the one that karma will kick back at?  Or maybe I keep trying to help karma out by giving her a jumpstart when someone ticks me off or does something awful? I'll even admit to yelling at a stranger who I see abusing another stranger... Maybe my temper needs an adjustment, but I also know others who are far worse than me, even if that's only a justification for my own self.

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