Wednesday, December 26, 2012

What happened to Christmas? You blink and then it's over.

So Christmas is over. I spent two days running around like a crazy person because I have two families, (three if you count my boyfriend's since we went there yesterday as well) and I feel like all I got out of it was a million pairs of socks and a broken break line in my mother's car.  (If you're wondering, then yes I almost died on the Pike this afternoon because the pedal wasn't working.  Great day following a fantastic morning.)

Where did the quality time with family go? Every place I went it I was just starting to get comfortable and more people would show up excited to see me, and then I had to leave again. My little cousin wanted to snuggle with me on the couch in her little pink boots and it was for all of 5 minutes until I had to put her down and get my stuff together.  I saw my dad for a few minutes of small talk and hugs and felt rushed and overwhelmed.  Walking into my mother's was like walking into a dorm room party, too many people walking over each other and too much stuff in the smallest space possible. 

Where was Jesus this year on His birthday? I went to church, but it felt like it was 30 seconds long and for some reason instead of packed from altar to doorway, this year the place was more than half empty.  The sermon was really meaningful and I started getting a little homesick sitting there, happy that I could share this place that was such a big part of my teen years with my boyfriend and some friends.  But why didn't people show up? Not to mention that no one said Grace at one meal I was partaking in, the entire two days. Yeah ok, the whole family isn't incredibly religious, but can't we show respect that it's The Lord's birthday and just pretend for 30 seconds that we give a crap over more than presents?

Is everyone tired this year?  Did the stress get to more people than just me?  I'm usually sad that Christmas is over in a normal way, but I'm horribly disappointed this year.  I felt rushed, uncomfortable, I was fighting with my boyfriend for going on 3 days now, and everyone keeps telling me, "Oh it's ok now, it's all over. No need to stress out anymore" I DIDN'T WANT IT TO BE OVER!! Can someone please understand this?  I love Christmas.  I love stockings, lights, trees, Christmas movies and specials, carols, presents, and being with my family even if other people hate it.  All these Christmas movies about people hating their family... I get it because it's funny, but honestly is everyone's house like that?

No.  Most people don't have a huge issue with being at home and having some cocktails with funny uncles and spoiling your sister's kids because they're not yours. But did I get to have quality time? I had a panic attack on Christmas Eve with all my running around, and my Christmas Day I looked at the clock at almost 9pm and was incredibly upset that it was already over and my boyfriend and I were still in a fucking fight since apologies apparently don't translate well via text. For the record, I had fun drinking wine and socializing.  However, the general uneasiness of others and having to leave places the second I got there was making me miserable.

You know what?  I'm still home.  My Christmas tree is still lit, and our stockings are still hung.  I still have friends to see, and I'm watching Christmas movies right now.  You know why?  Because my Christmas isn't fucking over.  In fact, when I see my friends tonight I think I will tell them that we are having "Navidad Parte Dos" and I don't want anyone arguing with me about it.  It's not over until the fat lady sings at midnight on New Years Eve so there. I don't care how grumpy everyone else chooses to be around the holidays, and I'm sick and tired of hearing how much other people hate their families and referring to the most wonderful time of the year as a "let's just get through this" ordeal.  I want to have fun and believe you me, I will.

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