Tuesday, February 7, 2012

days that make you feel like an incompetent know-nothing hack.

The following are things that I have gotten rejected from in the past week:

1. Two parts that I got callbacks for, and yes I'm fully aware that actors whine about that crap all the time but just let me be annoyed for 24 hours before my next audition tomorrow night and save your, "you'll do great next time" bullshit.  One of them was such a challenging and fun role and the other was with a really connected company, also a fun part, and neither of them are mine.

2. A job that had perfect hours (noon to 6pm!) and was 1 mile from my apartment.  My problem with this was that she started interviewing me on the phone without telling me that she was interviewing me... to clarify, basically she had said she wanted to meet with me and instead of meeting me she just started asking me very specific questions about how I would do my job if she hired me, obviously none of which I was mentally prepared to answer and I think that's completely unfair.  Don't call someone to schedule an interview and then just decide to do it now and make judgments based on answers that they had no time to think about or prepare properly for!

3. Being able to sing in the worship band at my church.  I'm SORRY WHAT?!?!  First off, this one clearly upset me more than anything because shouldn't I be able to count on my church to let me participate in church run groups?  I wasn't even allowed to audition, this was based solely (according to the guy who said no) on my attendance during the holiday season to church and how inconsistent it was.  Well I'd like to know if he held the same standard to students who went thousands of miles away to see their families and weren't around for a month??  Just because my mother lives in Worcester and I went to a Navigators reunion and my home church on those Sundays means that I was penalized and tabs were being kept on me?!?!  Wow and people wonder why I have trust issues.

Basically everything that can go wrong, has been going wrong this weekend.  I blame the full moon, idiotic people, inconsiderate people, bad luck with other stupid and I don't even know what else.

As an actor, I deal with rejection all the time.  But when it comes all at once from different parts of your life, it's a pain in the rear.  I'm miserable today, and that's all I can really say about it.  I need a punching bag.  I need a cocktail.  I need a hug from my boyfriend.  I need a girlfriend who whines about the same things I do and makes me feel like we're both in a rut together.  I need to pray and feel like it'll change something.

These are the sort of things that when you get rejection from all points, you feel like you're not talented in any aspect of your pursuits. 
Can't get a job?
I have no marketable skills for a job.
Can't get an acting gig?
I'm a shitty actress.
Basically, you start to give yourself horrible explanations for these things and it makes you hate the rest of the world for making you feel this way.  I don't want to hear that it's all in my head I'm mad and I want to feel justified in being angry right now, OK/!??!?!!


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