Friday, October 18, 2013

a logical look at LA LA Land

I spent 3 weeks in Hollywood and now I'm back to my normal life. Ugh.

So I guess what I should say is that everyone keeps asking me about whether I'm moving and when, and I should answer you all.  Yes... and I don't know.  I have an idea about when, but nothing is set in stone.  My lease is ending on my apartment July 1st, so I should probably make that my deadline because I don't want to sign another lease and then get screwed if/when I can't find someone to replace me.  I'm applying for an acting program that would start in the middle of August, so perhaps it would all work out anyway.  Then there's my boyfriend who, assuming he is joining me, we have a lot to plan together.  While this may seem like a long time away for you readers, when you work freelance and plan film shoots and gigs like we do, it's very hard to put off something like planning.  Though at this point we'll just leave it until after the holidays and not live our lives on "What-ifs" right now.  We don't need anymore stress on top of our stress.

Who knows though, what could possibly happen in the next 8 months or so?  One of us could hit it big out here with something completely unexpected that we weren't even truly aiming for.  Dustin Hoffman got his first film after being seen in a play.  He didn't even WANT to be in The Graduate, but was later convinced, and where did that get him?  There are plenty of people who were seen onstage somewhere and then got a great agent and started touring.  So there are always possibilities for the both of us.  Though it would be smarter for us to go to where the "big work" is, and the sooner the better if people love him and I'm not going to be able to play a high schooler for too much longer.

Right now what I'm sick of, is that I've been making the same income for about 2 1/2 years.  It's like no matter what I do, I get a new nannying job that's supposed to pay more, and then they try to give me way less hours than what I was hired for.  Or I'll be told by an actor I should get every Saturday in October at this gig, and then I only get one from the person doing the schedule.  I just feel like I can't trust people, and the longer I go, the more a salaried job feels so fucking tempting.  But I would kill myself after two weeks at a desk, and I definitely don't want to go back to school and feel stuck somewhere at a job I hate.  No, I'm a performer.  I just have to wait it out like everyone else and be ruthless.

That's the other reason why getting my SAG card and moving is so tempting.  I know people who make their rent off of just extra work, and I also know some people who can request me as one of their extras.  So it's like, even though I don't know any Spielbergs, at least I know how to make my rent and probably make more than I'm making out here.  The acting instructor at the program I'm applying for asked me what I would like to have happen in two years. I said that I'd like to make enough money so that I can just live off of acting, and nothing else.  I don't need crazy fame and over the top fortune, but I'd like to spend more time changing my costumes, than changing diapers.  Which at this point, it's about 70-30 and that's not terrible.

I'm going about this whole move in a very logical manner.  I'm saving my money, I have a LOT more experience on set and onstage than most actors who just mindlessly move to LA thinking they'll be famous in two weeks, and I connected with a fair amount of people during my visit.  I have a reel, I have a plan... I know what I'm doing, is what I'm trying to say.  I'm sick of going to family parties or whathaveyou and having people try to give me advice, when they don't do what I do for a living.  As if I don't sit on the computer every day and I don't know what my resources are, or what sort of steps I should take professionally.  This is not an easy business, and I fully understand that, which is why I'm going about all of this in the way that I am.  So the next time you see me and ask how the plans for LA are going, let's just assume I have it covered.  Unless you work in my business, I'm probably going to just be polite and let you say your piece but inside think, "yeah.. I know."

I'm not the kind of person that will pack up and leave without giving it a lot of thought first.  This just isn't the same when I studied abroad because I was bored with my life, this is a major career move and the love of my life is also involved in this decision.  So I'm not going until I feel that I'm truly prepared for an agent, for set work, and having no friends for a while.  And my boyfriend has things he wants to get prepped as well.  But we got this, and we're still doing great things in the meantime.

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