I can't dance.

There's this issue that I have.  It's called an inability to dance.  The reason that this is an issue, is due to the fact that I'm trying to act in theater and have a great singing voice, but I'm not a triple threat.  Very disappointing.

Now, I'm not saying that I can't even keep a beat.  If I tried long and hard enough, I guess I could do any sort of choreography.  But here's the thing, I was never trained in tap or jazz or ballet.  None of that graceful or technical crap that would provide me with the skills I need to learn things quickly at an audition.  No, my Nana did me the worst favor of all:  she put me into Irish Step for three years and my legs can move like the wind but only if my upper body is... well, light as a feather stiff as a board as the old saying goes.

When I'm at the club with my girlfriends and I have a couple of cocktails in me, apparently my hips move with a sexy beat.  Or when I'm dancing to the radio in my livingroom, I could break it down pretty well.  But when it comes to a step ball change and some spins when the chick in the back is counting measures and judging me, I lose every ounce of confidence and coordination I could muster.  I'm done for.

Why does this irritate me so??  Well, because musical theater was my first love.  And it's hard when you think that your hopeful path has a closed door with deadbolts and a caution do not cross this line tape across the archway.

Oh well.  Not every actress needs to dance, right?  I could just keep faking it and pray that I get something with minimal movement, like if I played a talking tree in Wizard of Oz...

Ugh, today was a disaster.  I locked up and I choked up.  WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DANCE DISCO??  Even disco dancers made half their shit up while they were on the floor.  I felt so awkward and like I had it in me but I had no way to do it on the spot.  Maybe with more mental preparation or if I had even known that was going to be the fucking audition then I could've done it!  I just feel like I had something in waiting to get out and the talent is there, and I felt sideswiped like almost shocked that I had to dance for two hours in my own heels that are not really made for dancing.  Those girls with jazz shoes on looking really professional made me want to kill myself.  I thought I'd only be singing. 

No, we were John Travolting and school bussing and ball changing and funky chickening it up with no sign of stopping.  Fun?  I suppose. Exhausting?  Quite.  Stressful?  YES.  Do I think I got a callback?  Probably a negative.


..... this is why I need an agent.